The Race We Run

Running is my prozac, my release, my quiet time that I can pray and just think clearly.  But with one child with a disability, three others that need attention, a husband who needs companionship and a house that needs cleaning, running takes the back seat.  How does one find "me time" when it seems trivial and down right selfish?  I ran three times last week.  Once because I was "kicked" out of the house and told to go run!  The other two because I feel that Emmy is getting that much better and our house is running a little more smoothly.  

Women have a hard time finding "me" time.  We always put others ahead of ourselves, which is our job.  It is in our DNA to take care of others, but why doesn't it feel good to give ourselves 30 minutes a day?  I thought it was hard carving out that time before Emmy became sick with homeschooling, but now it is almost impossible.  But I NEED it.  I crave it.  I am calmer, more patient, and less distracted when I run.  I sometimes break into a run and feel such release. I hear God talking to me, not ME always asking him questions and begging for miracles.  Listening is a skill that I have to remaster.  The distractions are deafening.  But when I run, there is nothing to distract me (besides Gumbeaux, if I take him with me).  Getting Emmy better seems to be my biggest distraction, but I am learning to finally put my attention back into "normal life" again.  Instead of one moment at a time, I am up to planning one day at a time (Lord, Jesus!)!

And another reason why I need to run is because I find myself living in fear.  Fear is the absence of Faith.  And conversely, Faith is the absence of Fear.  I have noticed that for us, we want to have faith, but fear would overshadow the unknown of Emmy's future, our future.  We weren't seeing Emmy get better and that kept us living in fear.  And what I realize now, and so understand what people go through, they just need a glimmer of hope to pull them out of the grips of fear and back into the beaming light of Faith.    And we have been seeing those glimmers of hope lately and it is giving us so much more Faith.  And the funny thing is, when we started operating in Faith and Hope, Emmy would show even more signs of recovery.  Our attitudes and behaviors really do change the circumstances around us.  Maybe I am running more because I am finally operating in Faith instead of fear!

Emmy has completed 18 oxygen therapies.  Before she started she couldn't do any of the following things:
Hold her breath under water
Crawl up our stairs
Stand, flat footed, for longer than a minute
Crawl more than one step
Talk in sentences with more than 3 words
Roll over in the bathtub and help transition herself out
She had NO short-term memory, and now wakes up reminding me what we are going to be doing for the day!!!

This is huge for us, it isn't the end-game, but it is movement in a positive direction.  It is the race that is set before us.  Others have races that may involve overcoming addictions, stopping abusive behaviors, being a better parent, being a better wife/husband, witnessing more, doing whatever is on their hearts, but ours is getting Emmy well and our family back to a place of peace and rest.  And believe me, we will not rest until Emmy can walk again, which she reminds us about every day!  

I love reading Hebrews 12 because it reminds me to have joy no matter the circumstances and to keep my eyes on Jesus.  Joy does not mean I am happy with what is happening to our family, to sweet Emmy, but Joy that all will be made whole one day.  It reminds me to set a pace of endurance, which at first we had no idea we would still be carrying around a 55 lb girl over a year later.  But setting our pace is paying off, none of us are broken. Which then reminds me of the song by the David Crowder Band.  I feel like we have been so beaten down, but we aren't broken.  And every time the clouds pass, we are just immersed in His glory and affection!

How He Loves

He is Jealous for me, 

Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree, 

Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.

When all of a sudden, 

I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory, 

And I realize just how beautiful You are, 

And how great your affections are for me.

So maybe I will get to run this week, maybe not.  But I do know that we will all be running the race set before us, getting Emmy to therapy, preparing Ella for her first day of High School (gulp) and keeping the boys occupied so they don't get lost watching minecraft youtube videos!  

You can read about hyperbaric therapy at the health center Emmy goes to at www.hrhyperbaric.com or even help us raise money to pay for the rest of her oxygen therapies by visiting www.youcaring.com/emmystrong  I will leave you with the verse that reminds me to keep running and to remain #emmystrong!!!

Hebrew 12:1-2 Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God..

Emmy had some much needed "friend" time last week!